I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
