I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
