if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I want a musical about memes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
