I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
