What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
