Just cropdusted the office
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize