So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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