God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
