If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
