I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
