I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
