i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
