did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize