Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
