I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
