i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
