Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
