i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
