kristin has been a bad kristin
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
