i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
