Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
