So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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