The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
