Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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