i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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