Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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