Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
