At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
