I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize