I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
