I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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