She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize