Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize