When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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