Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
