you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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