How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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