she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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