Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
