There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
