ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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