Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
