Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
