Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
