Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
