Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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