remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
