i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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