Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was confusing and full of hummus
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
