my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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