Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
