So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
