I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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