It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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