so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
zippers are such a cool invention
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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