dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
