i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
