It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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