I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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