I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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