Im at strip club and am horny
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
