Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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