This is not my ceiling
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
