stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
