Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
