Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
