It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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