Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
